5 reasons why we continue to struggle and how to overcome sin, habits, and strongholds.
Recently, I had a long conversation with a few friends about habits. I’ve been thinking deeply about habits and how they shape our routines for better or for worse. Everybody has a different take on what forms habits and how to break them, all colored by personal experiences and often limitations. I struggled for years, maybe decades, trying to develop a routine that worked for me. The problem was that my life kept changing. First, I got married, and then I had kids, and my kids’ schedules kept changing as they got older. I went from desiring a stable routine to learning to be adaptable.
My breakthrough finally came when I realized that a set routine would not fix my problems; it was developing better habits. Maintaining a healthy routine is easier if your habits are also healthy.
“Your habits dictate your routine, and your routine dictates the quality of your life.”
The Apostle Paul struggled with this as he lamented in Romans 7:15-20. He had some habits that crept up that he didn’t like, and he was frustrated with himself over them. Sound familiar?
We all have moments of frustration when our habits cause enough tension to cry out for help. We may reach for our Bible, the latest best-selling book on the topic, or look for answers on YouTube, each with solutions for our problems. However, we find ourselves repeating the habit or sin repeatedly without lasting results. Let’s look at some common reasons why this happens and how we can find freedom from the habits that rob us of our freedom.
Trying to go it alone
It’s hard to escape habits alone. Looking at my past bad habits, most don’t involve other people. For example, I might sleep too late or avoid reading a new book by doom-scrolling on my phone. It can be very challenging to break habits by yourself.
In Ecclesiastes, Solomon stated that two are better than one because they have a greater return for their toil (Ecclesiastes 4:9 ESV). Suffering is better shared.
My wife and a few of her friends challenged each other to get up at 6 am every day. They check in with each other through text messages every morning and have to provide photo proof they are, in fact, up and out of bed. They are suffering together towards a goal, and the suffering is better shared.
It’s widespread in Christian or recovery circles to have an accountability partner to help overcome a habit or specific sin. However, we run into trouble when we try to go it alone. Sin or bad habits must be exposed by sharing them with someone you trust. The process involves bringing it out of darkness into the light (Ephesians 5:11-12 ESV).
Shame and Secrecy
Let’s look beyond habits and discuss the sin we want to escape. Bad habits are usually a symptom of something deeper.
Sin thrives in secrecy (Job 24:14-15 ESV) due to our shame after we’re faced with what we’ve done. It’s a perpetual cycle that repeats itself. It must be exposed, or it will be challenging, if not impossible, to free ourselves from. It will reveal itself somehow, so it is best to rob it of its power and expose it yourself (Luke 8:17 ESV).
You don’t have to shout it from the rooftops; you only need to involve another believer you trust (James 5:16 ESV). There is power in confession and coming together to pray for healing (1 John 1:9 ESV).
Underestimating the power of habit
Some habits or sins disappear while others linger on. At times, we feel powerless to escape, and in that powerlessness, we struggle to maintain other healthy habits and relationships. Sin is like cancer: It eats away at the area around it until it’s destroyed.
I read a book that stated a habit takes 66 days to form. Other studies show that forming a habit can take between 18 and 254 days (1). Habits are established by giving in multiple times, which means it will take work to undo them.
We put too much pressure on ourselves when we try to add or remove something from our lives. I find myself relying too much on my strength and not enough on the Lord’s. If we are trying to create a new habit, we might use a habit tracker that rewards us with a perfect streak. What then happens when we miss a day? The streak is broken, and starting over sounds just as painful as giving up.
Don’t seek perfection. There is power and freedom in giving this entirely over to the Lord, which means asking him for the strength to create or break this habit daily, sometimes hourly. Habits are not formed or destroyed overnight so give yourself grace and mercy just as Jesus has.
Relying on willpower alone
I jumped the gun in the last section by telling you where to put your faith, but I’m sure you already knew. If you are still reading you have a habit you want to be rid of. If your willpower were enough, you wouldn’t be here. Most of the time, our willpower is not enough. Thankfully, we have strength and power in Christ who came to deliver us from our strongholds (Philippians 4:13 ESV).
Bad habits are usually part of some kind of ritual, meaning the habit is part of another action that leads to it. If you can identify the ritual that leads to it, you can avoid the ritual, which in turn should also help you avoid the habit.
Whether you can identify the habit is part or something bigger or not, you will not stand a chance against it using your own power. If you did, you’d be free from it. Seek first the kingdom of God and lean not on your own understanding (Matthew 6:33 ESV).
Attempting to Moderate Instead of Eliminate
Have you heard the phrase, “Everything in moderation?” That is a lie. Are we able to moderate? If so, I wouldn’t be writing this and you wouldn’t be reading it. This mindset also runs counter to why Jesus came to die on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins. We are not good at moderation.
With that said, there are things we do that do not turn into bad habits. For example, I can have a Dr. Pepper on a flight or when I go out to dinner with my family but it doesn’t turn into a habit of drinking one every day. I don’t buy them for my home so they are unavailable. If I had a stock of Dr. Pepper at home I would likely grab one from time to time and perhaps it would become a habit.
A few years ago, I realized alcohol had no positive impact on my life, so I cut it out completely. We had it in our home, and having a glass of something became part of my evening ritual. I had decided to cut back in the past, but since it was always readily available in the pantry or a nearby store, it was always within reach. Moderation was not working for me, so I cut it out altogether. Two years later and, I don’t miss it at all. Occasionally, I miss the implied sophistication of a fine whiskey, but not enough to try moderation again.
If you have struggled with moderation, perhaps it’s time to consider elimination instead. Elimination is not a life sentence; maybe you only need it for a season until the daily rituals of life don’t lead to the habit anymore. Matthew 5:30 says “If your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away.” If [ritual] causes you to [habit], cut it off and throw it away.
Final Thoughts
My suffering has a common theme: I go it alone and struggle. But when I go in the strength of Christ, I succeed. Sometimes, I start in Christ and then find myself alone again. That is not God abandoning me but me having abandoned God because I saw a squirrel or something shiny. I must quickly realize I have gotten off the path and run back to His strength. This requires checking in with myself often. I am prone to wonder.
Please be patient with yourself. Give yourself the grace and mercy that Christ has given you. Don’t abuse it by giving yourself a pass. It is a chance to start again and be fully committed. Renew your strength in Christ often.
Philippians 4:6-7 ESV: 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Do not be anxious or worried; instead, give thanks. Give thanks to Jesus for his forgiveness and healing power. Give thanks for being aware of this habit you want to overcome. Give thanks for everything that comes to mind. Anxiety and worry cannot exist in the presence of thankfulness. Use thankfulness to redirect your thoughts and calm your heart. Make your request known to God. Pray and ask for deliverance from this habit or sin. Ask expectantly from God. Don’t half-ask God as we often do when we don’t have faith. Have faith and ask specifically for what you expect to receive. Do this out of your thankfulness, and the peace of God, which is higher than our understanding, will guard our hearts and minds, giving us strength to overcome.
You can do this; you just can’t do it alone and were never designed to. Involve someone you trust and involve the God who sent his son to die on the cross so that you could find freedom from strongholds.
I’ve written this for you based on the understanding that God has given me through my own experiences and as a reminder for myself. Writing deepens my understanding of ideas and concepts. I hope that you have found this as helpful as I have. If so, please share a comment. I’d love to hear from you and know how I can pray for you.
Blessings,
Jerad
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