A Man’s Heart is Like…

Man’s heart is like a deep water.

I have been listening to the Book of Proverbs almost daily and am on my fifth time through the book. When I listen to written material, whether an audiobook or the Bible, I don’t internalize as much of it as if I were reading it from a book. This listening habit is part of my post-workout stretching routine. I decided to combine two things I struggle with stretching before and after a workout and getting into God’s word. Combining these two things has worked well for me for over a year.

A theme that tends to repeat itself in Proverbs is this concept of “a man’s heart.” Not every reference to the heart identifies it as a man’s heart, but many do. Here are some verses that I have come back to highlight after hearing them during my morning routine:

Proverbs 20:5: The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.

Proverbs 16:9: The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

Proverbs 17:22: A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Proverbs 27:19: As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man.

Proverbs 28:14: Blessed is the one who fears the Lord always, but whoever hardens his heart will fall into calamity.

And a few other verses that reference the heart:

Matthew 12:34: You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 119:11: I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.

Jeremiah 17:9-10: ⁹ The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? ¹⁰ “I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.”

I could go on. The Bible contains many verses that reference the heart; many of them specifically mention the “heart of man.” Of course, I understand that “man” refers to men and women alike, but I take it seriously since I am a man. So, let’s talk about this concept of “Man’s heart being like a deep water.”

Proverbs 20:5 states that a man’s heart is like a deep water. That means that all of us have depth to us. Even those who feel like they’re pretty simple and easygoing individuals do have depth to themselves. It says that “a man of understanding will draw it out.” That means that it’s essential that we understand ourselves. It doesn’t mean to pick an emotion and wear it on our sleeve. Nor does it give us a license to act out of raw emotion. It means to draw it out so that it can be understood.

Great. You’re telling me that I need to go to a therapist. Not necessarily. It is very possible to draw out an understanding of yourself. I have certainly done this. However, it likely comes out situationally rather than as a result of my search. It is hard to step outside of ourselves to be able to see and find the right questions to ask. You don’t need a therapist to do that, but you will likely need someone close enough to you with permission to see and speak into your life.

Regardless of where you are, you can start independently for now. The best first step is to drop the bucket into the well and see what comes up. I recommend an hour weekly to sit quietly with a journal and write. Not sure what to write? Check out the self-reflection questions below. You don’t have to answer all of them, but perhaps a few will stick out to you to help you “find water to draw” and examine it.

If knowing you is essential, why are men so resistant to attempting to understand themselves?

The short answer is it’s uncomfortable.

The concept of exploring our feelings has made us uncomfortable. If I was upset as a kid, I was told to “stop crying.” That was the fix given to me, to stop. It hasn’t been modeled well for us as men of this age, and those who are verbal about their inner work seem soft and almost as if they’re hiding something by publicly displaying their own emotional journey.

Nowhere in scripture does it say that this is a public endeavor. It is a very private thing.

There are two verses that I love that speak to how we should measure and align our thoughts:

1 Corinthians 2:11: For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.

The first part of 1 Corinthians 2:11 suggests that only I know my thoughts. Perhaps at times, I do; other times, I wonder who is living inside of me. What is the “spirit of that person?” My guess is the heart.

The second part of the verse states that no one understands God’s thoughts except the Spirit of God. Romans 8:9 says, “You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you.” So, we have our thoughts and the possibility of thoughts of God inside of us simultaneously? How does that work? This is the battle of the flesh and the Spirit. Matthew 26:41: “Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

It’s a battle!

2 Corinthians 10:5: We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.

This is how you fight your battles: Capture your thoughts and measure them against what you know to be true in Christ.

Let’s bring this back to understanding your heart and drawing from it.

Not every time you drop the bucket into the well, it will surface with clear, clean, and drinkable water. At times, the water may be infested, and the only way to purify it is through the cleansing power of Jesus Christ. As 2 Corinthians 10:5 suggests, you must capture whatever thoughts come up with the bucket and give them to Jesus. Sometimes, this might be easy, but most of the time, it will be difficult. Our hearts don’t want purification because that process isn’t comfortable.

When this happens, I try to insert this question before the imposing thought: What does [insert imposing thought here] say about me as a beloved child of God? Often, that is enough to temporarily derail my thoughts and give me time to ask God in prayer to align it with his Spirit, which usually means taking some action to trade that thought out for grace or mercy from Jesus.

We can never fully arrive at knowing all corners of our hearts. It is far too deep for us to explore. The profit Jeremiah knew this, and it likely inspired him to write: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”

How do we fight against our deceitful hearts, which tell us not to worry about those feelings, take a nap, and it will be better when we wake up? By continually aligning our hearts with Christ. It takes work. It took work for Jesus, which is why, so many times in scripture, Jesus went off into desolate places to pray (Luke 5:16). He did this so often that in Luke 2:49, out of what seems like frustration he said, “And he said to them, “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” If Jesus needed it while on earth as a man, I likely do as well.

Self-Reflection Questions

Here is a list of topics and questions you can ask yourself to begin drawing out the waters of your heart. This is not a comprehensive list of all possible questions; it is simply a list of things I have asked myself through various journaling sessions over the past few years. The answers you come up with will change over time, so it’s good to ask the same questions of yourself months and even years later.

Exploring Motivations

1. What are my deepest desires and aspirations?
2. What drives me to make the choices I make in life?
3. Are there any hidden motivations behind my actions that I’m unaware of?

Uncovering Values

1. What principles do I hold most dear?
2. How do my actions align with or contradict my stated values?
3. What sacrifices am I willing to make for the things I believe in?

Examining Emotions

1. What emotions do I experience most frequently, and why?
2. Are there any emotions I tend to suppress or avoid?
3. How do my emotional responses affect my decision-making process?

Assessing Relationships

1. Who are the most important people in my life, and why?
2. How do my relationships reflect my inner self?
3. Are there patterns in my relationships that reveal something about my character?

Confronting Fears and Insecurities

1. What are my deepest fears, and where do they stem from?
2. How do my insecurities influence my behavior and choices?
3. What steps can I take to address and overcome these fears?

Identifying Purpose

1. What gives my life meaning and purpose?
2. Am I living in alignment with my perceived purpose?
3. How can I better fulfill my potential and contribute to the world around me?

Recognizing Growth Areas

1. What aspects of my character need improvement?
2. How can I cultivate greater self-awareness and understanding?
3. What steps can I take to become the person I aspire to be?

You can do it alone, but you probably shouldn’t.

It’s easier to stand up to our hearts when someone else is doing it, too. However, it will be tough to find others who are ready and willing to put in the work. I am still on this journey, working on deepening my own relationships with others so that we can go there together and support each other as needed.